When Life Gets In the Way

I’ve been off course for a bit.

Okay, correction, I have been off social media for a bit and I also haven’t been writing my blog or my book.

Why?

I have been busy living life, mostly unrelated to working towards my writing goals.

These are the big things I have been doing for the last month and a half:

Preparing for my mother’s Celebration of Life, including preparing our maple grove for the spreading of her ashes, creating photoboards, planning a meal and bedrooms for guests, etc.

Preparing and facilitating a workshop for a writers’ retreat.

Digging lots of dirt to deal with an ant problem we have.

Digging lots of dirt to reveal our septic tank lids to get them ready for pumping, then installing caps at ground level so we never have to dig for them again (it only took digging them up once for us to learn that we can live with green lids at ground level – bravo to those of you who had them installed that way).

Releasing lots of personal items to make room for friends moving in with us.

Cleaning and re-organizing our home from top to bottom in preparation for welcoming our friends into what will be our shared home for six months until we go on our mission.

Completing the paperwork for our two year mission, and navigating scheduling and completing medical and dental appointments during Covid restrictions.

Helping to prepare the food for and decorating for my mother-in-law’s Celebration of Life, and then cleaning it up afterwards. Continued meal preparation for guests who travelled far.

Visiting with friends in Quebec and relatives in Eastern Ontario.

Spreading my mother-in-law’s ashes in Northern Quebec as part of a five day houseboat holiday with family.

Travelling back home to pick up our son so he could come with us for the next part of our time away.

Spending the weekend with friends from University to celebrate the retirement of three of us (we were the “older” class members, age 25 and 26 when we graduated instead of 23 or 24). Lots of water and dock time, catching up on each others lives time, laughs, food and drinks, cards and games.

And then back home.

New experience – because we have friends living with us now, there was a wonderful dinner waiting for us when we arrived home from our weekend away! Woohoo! It was delicious and they are amazing!

News flash*** I posted to my blog once in the past six weeks, and it was halfway into our three weeks away.

What happened to all those great habits I was building and the progress I was making before we left?

Nothing.

Not the “Nothing, you blew it Velvet, they are gone and you have to start all over again!” criticism our minds try to inflict on us.

Nothing, meaning, “Nothing happened to those habits.” Those habits didn’t go anywhere, they were waiting for me when life returned to its regular routine.

I admit I was concerned they wouldn’t be there, but they were. Because my newer habits were built into my routine activities [I exercise after I brush my teeth and I write once I have moved forward on a house project (so I don’t feel guilty writing)] when I went back to this routine the exercise and writing naturally fit in again. These additions to my routine feel natural to me now because I have been doing both for over a year and learned to stop asking myself if I “felt like” exercising or writing – I just do them because they are next on my list. My freedom lies in identifying what should be part of my routine, then, to save thinking power and brain drama I just follow my routine each day.

Okay, get real moment: I feel like a fraud even writing the above because although I feel exercise is a strong enough part of my routine to say what I have said, I do not feel like my writing is there yet. So, I’m putting it out there to make it true. I can tell you that it doesn’t work for me to put my writing first because I end up wasting the whole day on my computer, but seldom writing, and getting nowhere on my house goals. When I put a house project first the house moves forward and then I write so I can move forward on my book as well. Feeling good about progress on the house makes it easier to then sit down and make progress on my book as well.

That last paragraph is a great example of your mind getting in the way of your progress on anything. Your mind is your greatest critic and you need to shut the criticism down. This post is the perfect example. I felt I needed a blog post to deal with my mind’s criticism of my progress towards goals.

Velvet’s mind: You have not been keeping up with your writing, I thought you were serious about this goal. You didn’t get it done by the end of June as you planned to and now you aren’t even doing it.

Velvet (getting defensive): It is not as if I wasn’t doing anything,  I had lots to do (lists all the items I put at the top of this post).

Velvet’s mind: So what you are saying is that you are letting life get in the way of your writing.

Velvet (I’ve noticed my brain’s criticism for what it is, dropped my defensiveness because there is no need for it, and am now in Velvet teaches her brain mode): Let’s look at this differently. My life is not all about my goal of writing my book. I have a number of goals in my life that I have worked towards and continue to work towards, writing my book is an important goal to me, but not the only one. I set a goal to be close to my family members and I have spent the summer doing a lot of activities to build stronger relationships with family members and express my appreciation for them. I have a goal to spend time with friends to show them I value them, to build our relationships and to enjoy spending time with them. I have a goal to finish some projects on the house, to eat from my garden, to preserve food from my garden and to travel. All of my activities this summer have been related to working towards one or more of these goals. I have done very well in working towards these goals.

Velvet’s brain: “Got it.”

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My favourite scripture, Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “To every thing there is a ^aseason, and a ^btime to every purpose under the heaven.”

There are so many things I want to do in my life and I use this scripture to help keep me from running faster than I am able.

The last six weeks were a time to celebrate the lives of and express appreciation for my amazing mother and wonderful mother-in-law, to support my family members as we grieved together, and to continue to strengthen my relationships with those around me – family and friends. These activities fed my soul and make it possible for me to continue to move towards all of my goals, including writing.

Today I have strengthened my relationship with my son by playing Magic with him, looked after my personal health by doing some exercises my physiotherapist has told me I need to do, hung up two loads of laundry on our clothesline, and written this blog. I have harvested fresh vegetables from the garden for our dinner (summer tomatoes are the best!), looked up a couple of recipes for dinner, and then enjoyed the company of my amazing family and friends as we prepared, ate and cleaned up from dinner. Tonight I will check on the peaches on our peach tree (we are excitedly anticipating our first harvest of peaches) and read a European travel book in hopes we can go later this fall.

So much to look forward to when from the outside it looks like life is getting in the way!

I love doing laundry!

I love gardening!

I love making food I enjoy, especially toasted tomato sandwiches in the summertime!

I love both working and playing with family and friends!

Life does not get in the way of any goal!

Life is the way to every goal!

When you value what you have chosen for your life each part of that journey can be appreciated, valued and enjoyed! If you do not feel that way about parts of your journey yet, transform those activities so you do experience joy while doing them.

And remember, you are never really off course when you are taking a detour to look after yourself and other goals you have for your life.

Velvet

Navigating adventurous waters with joy every day!